We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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