perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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