All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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