I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
