grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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