I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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