Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I need to stop coming to work sober
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
