I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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