I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
