East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
