one two three fourrrrnication!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
