nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
