I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
