Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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