god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
