i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
