I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
