im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
