Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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