you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
