I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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