No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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