Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
