Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
