4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
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