Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
