I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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