She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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