No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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