I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
