So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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