I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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