Don't EVER smell your tampon
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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