apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
