...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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