Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
