it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
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She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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