roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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