everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
