I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
