my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
