Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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