I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
