You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
