Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
