like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
