bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
