SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
