Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
