cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How does one acquire holy water?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
