I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
