I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
