WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
