How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
