I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
