Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
