So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
