the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
