Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize