Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
