thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
