u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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