god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
