I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
