I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
