there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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