Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
