She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
