I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
