Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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