I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This baby is an asshole
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
