break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
