I'm really into asian looking animals
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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