Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
