i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
