Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
